ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
