if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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