Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
