just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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