He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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