so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize