either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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