No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
