I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
