Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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