I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
