A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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