what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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