just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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