my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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