Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
