It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
