im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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