He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
