You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Still dying that you shit outside
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
