but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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