girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's shark week go big or go home
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
