dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
