then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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