i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
