Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
this boner is exhausting
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
