I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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