Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
