i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
