take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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