One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
