I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
