You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
