Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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