And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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