she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
