shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I deserve this hangover.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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