it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
