You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
