I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't notice because vodka
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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