somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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