So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
