Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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