Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
