if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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