youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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