Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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