Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
