Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
