made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
