margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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