I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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