Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
