its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
