Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
