3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
