and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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