I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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