I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
