Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
