Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
