i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
