Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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