we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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