How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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