New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
