So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
