I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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