Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
