Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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