She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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