only if we run a train.
done.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
