Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
