Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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