If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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