He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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