Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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