If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize