my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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