we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
